Funny sarcastic grandma

  A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquillity had long been the talk of the town, and on this special occasion, a local newspaper reporter paid them a visit. He inquired as to the secret of their long and happy marriage. “Well,” explained the husband, “it all goes back to our honeymoon. We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by pack mule.” ‘We hadn’t gone too far when my wife’s mule stumbled. My wife quietly said ‘That’s once.’ We proceeded a little farther when the mule stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly spoke: ‘That’s twice.‘ We hadn’t gone a half-mile when the mule stumbled a third time. My wife promptly removed a revolver from her purse, hopped down off the beast, and shot the mule dead.” “I started to protest over her treatment of the mule when she looked at me and quietly said, ‘That’s once.”‘  

  Two 90-year-old women, Bertha and Betty, had been best friends all of their lives.   When it was clear that Bertha was dying, Betty visited her every day.   One day Betty said, “Bertha, we both loved playing softball all our lives, and we played all through high school.  Please do me one favor: When you get to heaven, somehow you must let me know if there’s women’s softball there.”   Bertha looked up at Betty from her deathbed and said, “Betty, you’ve been my best friend for many years. If it’s at all possible, I’ll do this favor for you.”   Shortly after that, Bertha passed on.   A few nights later, Betty was awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to her, “Betty, Betty.”   “Who is it?” asked Betty, sitting up suddenly. “Who is it?”   “Betty — it’s me, Bertha.”   “You’re not Bertha. Bertha just died.”   “I’m telling you, it’s me, Bertha,” Insisted the voice.   “Bertha! Where...

  Two engineering students ran into each other when going across campus.   One of them noticed that the other one was riding a brand new bicycle.   He waved him over and asked, “Hey, where did you get such a great bike?”   The second engineer replied, “Carol gave it to me.”   “Carol gave it to you?!? I knew she was into you, but this is just ridiculous!”   “Well,” the other engineering student said, “yesterday I was walking along, minding my own business, when beautiful Carol rode up on this bike.   She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes until she was stark naked and said, ‘Take what you want!’”   So I took the bike and left!   The second engineer nodded approvingly,   “Good choice; her clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you.”

  After their baby was born, the panicked father went to see the Obstetrician.   “Doctor,” the man said, “I don’t mind telling you, but I’m a little upset because my daughter has red hair. She can’t possibly be mine.”   “Nonsense,” the doctor said. “Even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the gene pool.”   “It isn’t possible,” the man insisted. “Our families on both sides had jet-black hair for generations.”   “Well,” said the doctor, “Let me ask you this. How often do you have sex?”   The man seemed a bit ashamed.  “I’ve been working very hard for the past year. We only made love once or twice every few months.”   “Well, there you have it!” The doctor said confidently,…   … “It’s rust.”