Funny sarcastic grandma

    An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice. The doctor said she should run ten miles a day for thirty days. This, he promised, would help her lose the 20 pounds she’s been trying to get rid of. The blonde followed the doctor’s advice, and, after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she had indeed lost the pesky 20 pounds. She phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice which produced such effective results.

  A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it’s half past three in the morning. “I’m not getting out of bed at this time,” he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. “Aren’t you going to answer that?” says his wife. So he drags himself out of bed, and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is man standing at the door. It didn’t take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk. “Hi there.” slurs the stranger, “Can you give me a push??” “No, get lost, it’s half past three. I was in bed.” says the man and slams the door. He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says, “Dave, that wasn’t very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby-sitter and you had to knock on that man’s house to get us started again? What would have happened if he’d told us to get lost??” “But the guy was drunk.” says the husba...

    A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, “Hey, Willis, forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I’ll help you get the wagon up later.” “That’s mighty nice of you,” Willis answered, “but I don’t think Pa would like me to.” “Aw, come on, boy,” the farmer insisted. “Well, OK,” the boy finally agreed, and added, “but Pa won’t like it.” After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. “I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset.

  A man enters the emergency room with two black eyes, multiple lacerations, and a seven iron wrapped around his neck. The doctor pulls him into one of the examining rooms and says, “What the hell happened to you, my friend?” “Well, doc,” the man replies, “It’s like this. My wife and I were out on the golf course off the eighth tee when we both wind up slicing into a cow pasture next to the course. So we both head into the pasture to see if we can find our balls. Now, doc, when we play, I usually play a white ball, and my wife plays an orange one.” “So what happened in the cow pasture?” the doctor asks. “Okay, so we’re hunting around for a few minutes, and neither one of us is having any luck. Then I notice this cow walking kind of funny and flicking her tail. So I go up, lift the cow’s tail, and there’s an orange ball lodged right in the cow’s rectum!

  A 60 years old billionaire marries a hot 25 year old girl… After honeymoon they throw a party celebrating their marriage… After a few drinks, billionaire’s friends want to know the secret of how he landed 25 yo hottie.. “It’s simple” billionaire boasts… “I faked my age” “Yes, but even for a 40/45 years old guy…she is sensational, what age btw did you tell you are?” A friend asks.

  A very elderly couple is celebrating their seventy-fifth wedding anniversary. The man says to his wife, "Dear, there is something that I must ask you,"... "It has always bothered me that our tenth child never looked quite like the rest." "Now, I want to assure you that these seventy-five years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer could not take all of that away." "But, I must know, did he have a different father?" The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, and then confesses. “Yes, he did.” The old man is ...